Dear "Fuck,"

Fuck. I love you. I love hearing you said. I love every version of you. I love that this sentence makes sense, "You fucking Fucks, fuck off!!!!!!" You are by far the sexiest swear word (and not just for the obvious reason). When I use you, even if I'm by myself, sitting alone in my car, just uttering you makes me feel better. Sometimes I scream you on the top of my lungs while I bang on things with my fists and a warm calming sensation comes over me after. How do you do that?
You even helped a dear friend of mine. She's this elderly woman who usually whispers you with a look of shame on her face. The other day I approached her and said, "Just go for it. Just say 'Fuck' a little louder and with some pride. I promise you'll feel better." So she tried it. And she tried it again. Then I did. Before you knew it we were just saying "Fuck. Fuck it. FUCK!!!!!!" for the fuck of it, and we were smiling and laughing. Fucking-A I loved that moment.
I know swearing might be frowned upon, but . . . I don't fucking care. If there is a God, then I hope these "sins" are on a sliding scale. For instance, I don't fucking kill people, I don't fuck people over in general in any area of my life, I don't fuck with people ever, I don't fuck people just to make myself feel better or just for the fuck of it, and I don't hurt people just to prove a fucking point. Oh, but I do think you are an adult word and I don't use you in front of little ears. I have self-control. So fuck, I fucking love you.
Sincerely,
Cindy Fucking Mayweather