Dear Mr. David Allan Boucher,

Where do I start? I used to listen to the radio to fall asleep when I was a youngster. My head tends to spin most at night when it has the most time to wander so keeping it focused on something helped bring along the sandman. Your voice was the voice I finally found that brought upon the Z's the fastest. I would make it right up until the last song of your Long Distance 3 in a Row Dedications (right around 11:10ish). So tonight, just for kicks, I tuned into Magic 106.7 a few songs before 11 o'clock. Now I haven't listened to this station at this hour in well over a decade. I think the last 3 in a row had Selena and The Tony Rich Project in it. I must admit, man, you still got it. Deep, rich, soothing voice . . . nobody does Bedtime Magic like you.

But hey, Mr. DJ, I really have to hate on you tonight.

First, Chaka Khan's Through the Fire . . . really? Second and here comes the 3 in a Row you just so happened to pick: From Patricia (fuck you) who happened to want to send to her "not-so-secret crush" (your exact words . . . asshole) Madonna's Crazy For You, Roxette's Listen to Your Heart, and Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville's duet version of All of My Life (fuck you, X 3). You sort of redeemed yourself by playing Daniel Powter's Bad Day which has never really lost its charm for me especially since I haven't heard it in eons. Then, and here's where the true passion of this hate letter comes, you go and play The Fugee's Killing Me Softly. Not just any version . . . that version. You smug son of a bitch.

So I did a little research and looked up your profile on the Magic 106.7 website. Wouldn't it just figure you're the mysterious dip-shit in a hat? And I'm not quite sure . . . but is that a rapist moustache you're trying to hide? A friend and I discussed this yesterday actually (and I've mentally added exceptions to this rule) but moustaches without beards just scream sexual deviant of some sort. Don't get me started on your Q&A.

Now look, you and I have never had beef before. So just knock this shit off right now or I'll send in my Long Distance 3 in a row email and I guarantee tears will fall on someone's pillow. Guarantee. Don't test me Frenchie.

Sincerely,
Cindy Mayweather

Oh and a few things for after you click the links:
1. What the fuck is Aaron Neville wearing?
B. The video to Powter's song was probably my favorite part . . . not the actual song and I'm sorry I'm too lazy to look for it right now.
And lastly, Burt Reynolds was the first male centerfold . . . and yes he's there twice. Just wanted to give you all something to drink about on Thirsty Thursday!!!

Quick note . . . I have no idea why the timing is all jacked up on this post but I most assuredly sat right down after Mr. Boucher's little blitz attack and poured my heart, er . . . hate, out. But I don't mind palindromes so 8:18 is cool.